Wednesday, October 15, 2008

National Day of Rememberance For Pregnancy and Infant Loss

My story...

We had 6 beautiful babies, all with healthy, uneventful, full term pregnancies. Nothing should have caused us to be concerned about possibly losing a baby to miscarriage. Sure, we knew there was always a possibility, but we didn't feel we were at risk. After all, I was about the most fertile person we knew!

We found out we were expecting our 7th child when Mark was 14 months old. The timing of this pregnancy was right about where we expected it to happen. We were happy. I remember feeling a bit reserved with my happy feelings, only because having 6 was getting pretty stressful. But years ago we had decided the Lord knew best when to send a baby.
At just 5 1/2 weeks, there was spotting. Never happened to me before. I'll never forget the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach. Not me! Not this baby!! Late that night, I began to miscarry. I was so very sad...and felt guilty. Guilty for having reservations....for feeling stressed about more children. I know that's not why I lost our baby. But I just couldn't shake those feelings.

I named her Sarah.

One month later we were surprised to be expecting our 8th. We were a bit concerned this time, so we weren't so fast to share our news. I had a quick ultrasound at 5 1/2 weeks and all seemed to be measuring on target for that early. I was feeling great and having all the wonderful the weeks past, the worrying began to subside. We told a few people. I mean, what were the chances of ME having two miscarriages in a row???
At 11 1/2 weeks there was spotting. An ultrasound showed our baby had no heartbeat. The baby measured 8-9 weeks and was perfectly formed. He had a tiny nose, arms and fingers, and I could see his knee. I wish I had thought to ask for the picture, but I didn't. I just kept hearing the Dr.'s words over and over..."I'm sorry, Lisa. There doesn't seem to be a fetal heartbeat." Not Me! Not this baby!!! I miscarried 5 days later. It was a horrible experience and I probably should have gone to the hospital, but I didn't. I'm thankful Todd was with me.

I named him Matthew.

2 months later we once again found ourselves pregnant with #9!! This time I was using Progesterone cream because I suspected my levels were low. This is something that can be purchased over the counter and is safe to use. I once again felt great....a little too great. I didn't have any symptoms and desperately wanted to. The progesterone cream is suppose to help with symptoms of pregnancy, but with having 2 losses already, I wanted to feel everything.
Then, at 7 weeks the spotting began. I went in hoping for an ultrasound, but they only drew blood to measure my hcg levels (pregnancy hormones). The levels were high at over 3200. At this point in pregnancy the hcg levels are suppose to double every 48 hours, so I had to go in again 2 days later for another blood test. This time, instead of being doubled, the numbers were only in the 900's, indicating our baby was gone. I stopped using the progesterone cream, and quickly miscarried.

I named him Jeremiah.

We just didn't know what to do at this point. We felt the medical community just looked at me and saw an older woman with 6 kids who didn't need any more. No one wanted to help us. I practically begged for tests. They obliged, but they didn't offer any help. I was tired of being patted on the head.

There haven't been any other pregnancies that we know of. The Lord is still in control and He could send another baby our way. My feeling is that our quiver is indeed full, and we are ok with that, if the Lord wants it that way. If He sends another baby, we're ok with that, too. He has always taken care of us and seen us through the tough times with a shoe full of kids. Our trust is in Him.

Please remember those you know who have lost a baby. Pray for them today. If you are someone who has experienced the loss of an infant, through miscarriage, SIDS, or any other way, I'm praying for you. No matter how long it has been, it still hurts, but our Lord is the Great Comfortor! He heals our hurts and carries us when we just can't walk any longer. I'm so thankful to be one of His children.

…and provide for those who grieve in Zion-

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair…

Isaiah 61:2-3

(Verse taken from Angies blog)


1 comment:

  1. Lisa,
    Thank you for sharing your story.

    This past May I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd. Like you, I was happy, but a little apprehensive since I had a 3 year old and a 15 month old. But I also knew that if I was meant to be a Momma to this baby, that this was a great blessing. I was immediately in love with this new life. My other pregnancies were healthy, no problems, so we were never concerned about anything.... then I started spotting. They tested my HCG levels, and then again 2 days later, and they doubled like they were supposed to. When they did an untrasound, they couldn't see ANYTHING, but my levels continued to rise. They worried about an ectopic pregnancy. Finally, a week later, we saw a yolk sac, and a week after that, a baby with a heartbeat!

    Then, at 9 weeks, my water broke. So, we rushed to the hospital, knowing in our hearts that the baby was already gone......the ultrasound confirmed our worst fears. I was told it wasn't my fault, but the guilt had already consumed my heart. I named her Gracie.
    Now, I am so afraid to try again. I almost didn't survive the last loss, and I am not sure I could endure another one. I admire your strength and courage, and will keep you in my prayers.
    Tarri Hulme